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Rating:  - Blah!
Ebert may have given it **** but it was only one more yawn away from * star.
Rating:  - Red Alert! Into the Wild is a very foreboding Horror Movie that fretfully details the Descent into Liberal Mental Disorder!!!!!!
Into the Wild is a movie that's based off of the Jon Krakauer (just your ordinary, average, former fisherman who assumed he could become a writer not through education, but by merely being an outdoorsman-wannabe) novel (in itself a pitiable joke as it's really only a cheating expansion of Krakauer's 1993 article, "Death of an `Innocent,'" from Outside magazine) of the same name. As such, there's been some volatile temptation to go out and call this unoriginal movie a "drama," "biopic," "action," or even "adventure" flick. NO, NO, NO and NO!!!! All the aforementioned, wrongly used descriptions of this film are totally off since the actual category Into the Wild truly, honestly belongs to is horror. That's right: H-O-R-R-O-R! This is a film that should get the award for the most blood-curdling, spine-chilling and unsettling horror flick of all time, easily besting predictable candidates like The Exorcist or Friday the 13th.
The reason for my easily convincing categorization of Into the Wild as a horror movie is because the story--which is real, by the way, making it EVEN MORE SCARY--is so disturbing that it just upsets one's normal and natural notions of what constitutes decency among people. See, the story revolves around the late Chris McCandless who, because of his maniacally unsafe and attention-planned exploits, should ironically be called Chris McCandiea*s, a true liberal in every horrifying sense of the word. As such, as Into the Wild proves, he embodied all the disreputable qualities of liberalism, which ultimately led to his death: delusional idealism, a lack of a functional plan, directionless tendencies, being anti-establishment, anti-capitalism, arrogant altruism, insanity, and, ultimately, self-destruction (how all liberal ideologies eventually end up, ie. Communism et al).
McCandless had the makings for the foundation of a successful life since he was a college student at Emory University with about $24000 in savings. Then, bizarrely and mournfully, liberalism seized control of his exorbitantly gullible way of thinking. After evil liberalism got its hold on him, McCandless really started perpetrating the epitome of what sane, responsible people can only rightly deride as "stupid stuff."
His first perpetration of the aforementioned "stupid stuff" is--in a classic yet corny cliché of liberal rebellion against his apparently materialistic father--squandering his $24000 in savings (pretty decent for a college kid!) by donating it to social justice (oxymoron if there ever was one) outfit Oxfam, a liberal organization that has its head in the sand since its implausible mission is to find solutions to poverty!!!! Clearly, Oxfam's "work" is so implausible that it's even dumber than what the libs mock President Bush for when he christened the post-911 response the "War on Terror." Ironically, if McCandless' ploy was really to help the poor, he should've stayed in college and gotten a degree, which would've enabled him to earn more money. Then, once he held a job, he could've really contributed in more meaningful ways to idiot organizations like Oxfam all he wanted, certainly amounting to more net donations over the course of his working career than a one-time donation of $24000.
Anywho, McCandiea*s'--whoops, sorry, I meant to write "McCandless'"--"stupid stuff" syndrome continues when he basically decides to lose his everlovin' mind in the pursuit of his confusingly insane, ultimate goal. Are you ready for this, folks? I'm not kidding; here it is: to drive cross-country in his economy car (read: vehicle which will never get him laid...ever!) to live alone and off the land in barren Alaska!?! WTF????
Right at this pivotal point, it was clear that I was watching a most grisly, horror movie because it was frightening beyond belief to see a liberal's hazardously insane thought process displayed in such stark reality on the big screen. I also felt the horror in this horror movie by the overwhelmingly noticeable theme of self-hatred and self-destructive nihilism in McCandless' seeming descent into liberal, mental disorder. See, his goal of living in Alaska (for which he ultimately died because of mindless lack of preparation) after sacrificing a budding, college career is the epitome of suicidal tendencies to me and many other sane reviewers.
But, wait for it: McCandless' expose of why liberalism is such a brain-dead ideology is starkly showcased in even more episodes of self-destructive thoughtlessness. You know, I might even be tempted into thinking of Into the Wild as a laughable, slapstick comedy due to the hopeless and bumbling, self-inflicted demise of McCandless, yet I still classify it as a horror movie due to the serious consequences.
McCandless, still on his way to that barren wasteland called Alaska, somehow manages to lose his babe-magnet, his economy car, in a flash flood! Then, because this late dork actually was so anti-capitalism that he burned what little cash he had left on him, he resorted to hitchhiking, ending up taking about two years to get to Alaska! Never mind the fact that most parents will agree that hitchhiking is very unsafe (and so this film glorifies irresponsible, personal misconduct, too), the aforementioned unfolding of McCandless' dumb*ss journey is so aimless and disorderly that it would be a great slapstick comedy in the tradition of The Three Stooges, were it not so real-life tragic.
McCandless' self-inflicted, miserable journey of his mentally disordered, liberal mind continues when, after finally arriving in the "promised land" (AKA, Alaska), he takes to living inside a bus...seriously. Dubbed the hippie-and-stupid-sounding "Magic Bus," McCandless' already on-the-fritz mind takes a turn for the worse as he actually deludes himself into being convinced that he "enjoys" this sordid existence!!!! So, what does the liberal-in-training do next? You'd think that maybe, just maybe, he'd snap back to reality and get some common sense, finally, right? HELL NO!!!! Instead of realizing how the liberal ideologies of anti-capitalism, environMENTALism and hippiedom have landed him--as Gordon Ramsay would say--in the s**t, this clown actually starts writing a book about his slapstick misadventures. WTF????
At this point in the film--and, I kid you not, dear people reading this--I was all-out in tears, bawling my little eyes out because of the grief I felt at what liberalism had cruelly done to a once-budding, idealistic college student! I mean, look at McCandless at this point in this horror movie: he's friggin' destitute, lives in a friggin' "bus," probably smells rancid, and has no foreseeable hope for his future!!!!
Nonetheless, gathering up my last shreds of courage, I managed to soldier on in the face of this showcase of harmful, liberal ideology in McCandless' life and watch Into the Wild into conclusion. McCandless' self-inflicted death served him right and was the just deserts he earned after living in such a reckless, suicidal state of mind. The film details how--being the genius he was (sarcasm fully intended!)--this clown then failed to plan for the Alaskan, spring thaw, which ended up separating him from food because of the onset of increased waterways. So, brilliant liberal thinker that he is (why, he's just about a regular Al "I invented the Internet" Gore or Barack HUSSEIN Obamster), he resorts to eating plants as the food lessens.
However, as any half-sane person should or could anticipate, not all plants in the wild are gosh-darn safe enough to consume, a pitfall which ultimately and mercifully ends McCandless' sordid life. Despite being the half-nit he was by having brought along a trusty book to guide him on the edibility of plants--wouldn't you know it?--this great, liberal thinker STILL CONFUSES a poisonous kind of plant for--hahaha, and here's where The Three Stooges comedy really kicks in, folks--an edible kind! Only, unlike slapstick comedy, this turned out to be mortal for old McCandless!
That's how Into the Wild ends: it essentially fulfills the foreshadowed prophecy of a liberal clown who decides to make one reckless and radicalized misjudgment after another until he kills himself. Into the Wild is essentially a very horrifying and painful window into something called long-term suicide that this liberal loon, McCandless, plotted ever since deciding to desert college and become a hippie. Based on this disclosure and analysis of Into the Wild, all the disingenuous apologists and outright promoters of this film should be ashamed of themselves because there's nothing meaningful or praiseworthy here. The only thing there is is McCandless' STUPID STUFF!!!!
Rating: - 2.5, Not Quite The "Adventure" Movie It's Advertised As
This movie wasn't near as good as I had hoped. It goes back and forth from the present to the past. The kid, Chris, is definitely a half bubble off. Anyone who prepares to live in the wilds of Alaska with just a floral and fauna book is kidding themselves. I expected more of the Alaska portion of the story. I really didn't care about the freak shows he meets along the way (i.e. hippies, combine driver, etc.). They seemed pointless to the story.
This is certainly a movie I would never purchase. Renting it was about all the value I placed on this DVD.
Rating:  - Awesome, awesome, awesome
Obviously I loved this freaking great film. I've been boycotting Sean Penn films for a few years, at least. My friend loaned this to me and I'm glad I didn't pass it up. Emile Hirsch is greatness like Johnny Depp or Leonardo DiCaprio.
Rating: - A Swing and a Miss...
Although I was not familiar with the story, I was REALLY wanting to see this movie. However, the story never lived up to my anticipation. Try as it does to present meaning to the tragic upper middle class American society that Sean Penn loves to hate, the movie comes off as an attempt to portray a spoiled, self-centered "victim" as a liberating messiah. In the film everything he touches is turned to gold. But yet, he remains a unfulfilled, self-absorbed uber-brat. Yeah, we all hate our parents at time throughout our lives, I get it. But to this extent?
The message of the movie is simply this: focus all attention of your life on your own fulfillment (or lack of). In the end, this will somehow give you a satisfying, albeit, unplanned death. But the soundtrack was good. Save your money on this one. Better yet, try to find Farley Mowat's Never Cry Wolf.
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